


The Alex Krycek Picture Show

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Fic, Based on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-01
Updated: 1999-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26536144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.WARNING: This is bad fiction! SPOILERS: NONE. Based loosely on the ""Rocky Horror Picture Show"" I mean very loosly. RATING: NC 17—The best kind, right? PAIRINGS: M/K of course, is there any other? DISCLAIMERS: Deny everYthing...If I didn't write this...Who did? AUTHOR: DEMI-X....Who? Never heard of me? Good thing...Exspecially after reading this dreck...try to enjoy... NOTES: I parodied all of my own fiction and discovered, to my dismay, that it was cliche and simile riddled...
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	The Alex Krycek Picture Show

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.   
> WARNING: This is bad fiction! SPOILERS: NONE. Based loosely on the ""Rocky Horror Picture Show"" I mean very loosly. RATING: NC 17—The best kind, right? PAIRINGS: M/K of course, is there any other? DISCLAIMERS: Deny everYthing...If I didn't write this...Who did? AUTHOR: DEMI-X....Who? Never heard of me? Good thing...Exspecially after reading this dreck...try to enjoy... NOTES: I parodied all of my own fiction and discovered, to my dismay, that it was cliche and simile riddled...

  
**The ALex Krycek Picture Show  
by Demi-X**

  
It was a dark and stormy night. Mulder's Ford Taurus limped slowly along and then gave a one last, final dying gasp in front of a house so scary it made the Bates motel look like a comfort inn. The large mansion was so decrepit and derelict that not even the Adams' family or their t.v. cousins the Munsters' would be brave enough to sleep there. Short of a sign out front declaring _There be spirits in thy yonder house_ every thing about the two story mansion screamed _death and danger ahead of you_. 

"So." Drawled Mulder. "This place looks like it might have a phone inside." He turned to Scully—whose blue eyes glistened like deep, un-polluted pools of ocean water—were now glaring at him. 

"Mulder. It's raining over the house and bats are flying in and out of the belfry. " She said dryly. 

"And your point is." His hazel/gold/green/brown/blue eyes were shining in the pale moonlight. 

"My point is, that it is a clear sky everywhere else. It's only raining over top of the house. She gave him her best 'gimlet eye' stare, as apposed to the three gin gimlets she drank earlier in the bar. "And besides, there aren't any lights on in the house." 

As if on cue, A light flicked on, clearly illuminating the front door. 

Mulder grinned at his petite redheaded fiancé. "See. Someone's home." He opened the car door and stepped out of the vehicle. He went up to the decaying black picket fence gate and pushed it open. With an jaunty look over his shoulder he hit a small button and his umbrella opened up automatically. With Scully, standing under her umbrella, following closely behind he started up the long cement walk to the front door. 

"Mulder." Scully said. 

"What?" 

"How come even though were engaged we keep referring to each other by our last names?" 

"I don't' know. I'm only a brilliant, beautiful, slightly wacky, F.B.I. profiler who's self centered and thinks that the whole world revolves around me." 

Scully shrugged her tiny, trench coat clad shoulders. He made sense to her. 

"Mulder. " She said again after a second. 

"What." Sighed Mulder. 

"There's a skeleton hanging from that tree!" 

"Well maybe the owners are big on Halloween." 

"In March?" 

"Well my mom's Christmas lights are still hanging on her gutters." Mulder turned around and faced his fiancé, "Would you relax." He said. "There's nothing to be afraid of, that person's long dead ." 

"I'm not afraid of the skeleton you ass." She slapped the back of Mulder's head, noting his sable/golden/chestnut/brown hair was silky and smelled clean, "I want you to cut it down when we leave. I could use another model for my students back at Quantico." 

The pair walked by a black cat that was arching it's back and hissing at them. Startle, Scully jumped but Mulder deftly bent over and picked up the cat. "Pretty kitty." he murmured and petted it under it's chin. "See Scully. It's only a cat." He showed her the felines face and then kept on walking, but Scully was sure she had seen that sinister pussy's eyes glow red. 

"Evil beast." She hissed back at the kitty-cat. 

Mulder tossed the cat aside and pushed the door bell and once he recovered from the electrical current that had jolted through his large but lithe swimmers body, the show tune _Some where over the rainbow_ echoed back at them. 

The peeling, wooden door creaked open and a large, bespectacled, bald man stood there eyeing them up and down. He was wearing nothing but a blue and black merry widow corset, black fishnet stockings and blue stiletto heals. 

Mulder stared back, wondering what on earth made the big man standing before him think that those shoes went with his out fit. Didn't the imbecile know that the rule of fashion was that your pantyhose and shoes always had to match? 

Scully swept her eyes up and down the burly man too. However, she busy was wondering if the man had something in her size and possibly in red. 

"Yes...?" Said the man, slapping a humongous dildo in the palm of his hand. 

"Pardon us....I'm Fox Mulder and this is my fiancé` Dana Scully. Our car broke down out front and we were wondering if we could come in and use your telephone?" 

"My name is Walter Skinner. And yes..." He said, "You can cum inside....." He noticed that the petite, redheaded woman wearing a fashionably black trench coat eyeing his dildo..."Do you like what you see?" He asked as he opened the door wider so the pair could pass through the threshold. 

"Actually. I do." Scully replied. "I was wondering if that's the Intimate Treasures line of dildos. The XP-14 model. If so. I have one just like that at home, except that it's pink and not black. 

"Why Dana what good cerulean blue eyes you have...This is from the Intimate Treasures line but it's the XP-18. Eighteen inches of rubberized pleasure." He slapped the dildo against his palm one more time and the wrapped his fist around it. 

"Scully!" Cried Mulder. "I didn't know you played with toys." 

Scully looked at Mulder and replied sensibly, "Heavens Mulder, I'll need more than your paltry seven inches hard to satisfy me, especially after were married." She look back at Skinner and raising her eyebrows and shook her head softly. Silently thinking "What a twit." 

"Here let's get your clothes off, you must be soaked from standing in the rain." Skinner grabbed Mulder's over coat and yanked it off then he pulled off his suit jacket and started to unbutton his shirt. 

Mulder slapped the man's invading paws away and said, "But we were standing under umbrella's, were not wet." He heard a soft plop beside him and he turned and saw that his fiancé was standing in nothing but her matching white bra and panties. Shrugging, he said, "What the hell." And then shucked off his shoes, socks and pants. Leaving only his shirt and tie on. 

Skinner, smiled at Mulder's runners build and said, "Were having a unveiling party, come in and enjoy the festivities. Frohicke will fix your car." He pulled a chord and somewhere a bell sounded. A little man wearing glasses came sauntering into the foyer. 

"You rang oh high and mighty one?" The little man said sarcastically. 

"Go and fix Fox and Dana's car please. It's right out front." 

"Anything you wish my follicly challenged boss." Frohicke bowed and scampered away before Skinner could plant one of his stiletto's up his ass...

"Come." Skinner said then walked away. 

Both Mulder and Scully followed the man, each of them watching the satin covered ass that was sashaying along seductively over the Italian tiled floor ahead of them. 

The pair entered a large, ornate ball room that was full of guests dressed in various items of lingerie. A geeky blond man handed them each a glass of wine and then walked away. Skinner in the mean time sang several catchy rock and roll tunes and the eccentric crowd joined in. He wound up his show by dancing a great finale and finishing at the end of a large tank. The tank held a body wrapped in snow white bandages from head to toe. Skinner cackled a sinister laugh while Langley and another minion named Byers threw a bunch of switches. A 

The next thing Mulder knew, Skinner was cutting away the wet fabric that hid who ever it was that was underneath all that cotton. 

"Behold" Shouted Skinner dramatically, just like his voice teacher had taught him. "I give you Alex!" He pulled away the last bits of cloth that concealed the face that went with the clearly masculine body and turned the man around to face the crowd. 

Mulder sucked in his breath. As Alex, who was just learning how to walk, was staggering around all Mulder could think of was how much he wanted the man before him. He had never seen anyone so beautiful, Alex had jade/emerald/forest/moss green eyes and they were Mulder's very favorite colour.

The newly built man was a vision of perfection, his muscles rippled and his abs were ripped into a perfect six pack. However, the exemplary man had but just one little thing wrong to mar his flawless body. It seemed that Skinner forgot to attach his left arm. " Oh well," Mulder thought. Alex's slight _deficiency_ made him more vulnerable and even hotter to look at. 

Alex stopped roaming around and came to a stand still in front of Mulder. Licking his puffy, sensual lips suggestively, the in-experienced man searched Mulder's eyes deeply and said to him, "Fuck me." His voice was husky with sexual need even though he was only five minutes old. 

"Okay." Mulder replied pleasantly, even though he was heterosexual. He just had to have this man. In fact, his luck with women had been so shitty, he figured he may as well as try a guy, what the hell, at least he knew what all the parts were. Even his fiancé admitted that she needed a dildo more than him. Not even thinking twice, Mulder grabbed Alex's hand and pulled him toward a bedroom that was conveniently located near by. 

Scully tried to protest, but Skinner restrained her. And after the men had left, a huge orgy broke out and Scully, now insisting that she be called "Mistress Dana" took Walter's dildo away from him and proceeded to show the bald man just exactly, how many orifices such a monster could be utilized in.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the bed room, Mulder and Alex rolled around a large four poster bed covered in a large green feather quilt. They had just finished declaring their undying love for each other, both pledging never to be apart and then sealed their pact with a ten minute lip lock.

Fox seemed to forget that before Alex was created he had been engaged to a headstrong, opinionated firecracker of a woman. But it no longer mattered, all that did was that he and Alex stay together and fuck like no other two people in love could. They broke apart briefly, searched each other's eyes once again, then, knowing what the other wanted, grabbed each other tightly and began necking again. Swapping spit by the old 'sticking my tongue down your throat' method. After another ten solid minutes of kissing and giving each other hickey's any where and every where, Mulder flipped Alex over and ran his tongue over his tight/itsy-bitsy/teeny-weeny pink, puckered love hole.

Alex screamed at the pure pleasure of having a tongue run over his ass. And forgetting that he was a complete virgin yelled "Ride me cowboy!" 

To which Mulder completely complied. He grabbed his seven inch cock—wich had inexplicably and suddenly increased in length to a full ten inches— guided the weeping/ seeping/ dripping head of his cock inside Alex's tight hole. 

The green-eyed man hollered out his encouragement and with out a drop of lube to ease the way, Mulder pushed in and rode his mechanical bull hard. Just before expelling his perfectly controlled orgasm, Mulder grabbed Alex's ten inch cock and masturbated him in time to his thrusting hips. Amazingly, both men shot off loads of creamy/white/milky love juice at the exact same time.

Spent, Mulder flopped over on Alex's perfectly muscled back and started to fall asleep, like every man does after a good cum.

Alex elbowed him over and then cuddled in behind his new lover. He fit Mulder's enhanced, swimmer's body perfectly. After resting for an hour, the two men got up to join in with the others in the ball room. However, they were too late and the orgy was over. Every one had left except for Walter and Dana, who were cuddled up on some cushions. Dana was wearing a red corset and Walter was still in his black and blue one, but his shoes and ill matching stockings were long gone. 

"Scully." Mulder said. 

The red head look up, "Yes." 

"I'm leaving you for Alex. He's my one true love." 

Scully frowned for a second, then thought that it must be true love if he was using the man's first name. She shrugged her shoulders, what the hell, she preferred Walter to Mulder any ways. After all the kinky man had a humongous dildo collection and he didn't mind sharing them. Besides, Mulder never looked very good in women's lingerie anyway. "Okay." She agreed happily. 

Mulder turned to Alex and said, "See. I told you she would understand." He grabbed his beautiful lover and the two of them began to french kiss, totally uncaring that there were people watching them. 

"Ahem" Croaked Frohike. 

Alex and Mulder finally broke apart. "Yes." Mulder asked somewhat irritated at the toady man. 

"Your car is fixed." He said as he hand the keys back to Mulder. 

"Thanks. What was wrong with it?" 

"It was out of gas you dip shit." Frohicke shook his head then walked away, wondering how the F.B.I. agent managed to function in the real world. 

"Oh. Okay." Mulder grabbed Alex's hand, "Come stud....I'm going to take you home so I can fuck you silly on my leather couch in front of my fish." Alex merely smiled and followed. Just before walking out the door, Mulder turned and called out "Oh and Scully? No hard feelings? Right." 

But Scully didn't bother to answer because she was to busy feeling up something hard on Skinner. 

"Oh well... All's well that ends well." Mulder said as he pinched one of Alex's copper, penny sized nipples and then shut the door behind himself. 

THE END. (Thank Christ eh?) 

* * *

September challenge: Bad Fic   
WARNING: This is bad fiction!   
SPOILERS: NONE. Based loosely on the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" I mean very loosly.   
RATING: NC 17—The best kind, right?   
PAIRINGS: M/K of course, is there any other?   
DISCLAIMERS: Deny everYthing...If I didn't write this...Who did?   
AUTHOR: DEMI-X....Who? Never heard of me? Good thing...Exspecially after reading this dreck...try to enjoy...   
NOTES: I parodied all of my own fiction and discovered, to my dismay, that it was cliche and simile riddled...   
---


End file.
